illegitimate community associations (part 2)

In illegitimate community associations (part 1) I promised to spill the beans about what really happened at the 2012 WECA AGM.

Not everyone in Bells Corners is fascinated by community association annual general meetings (the lowest rung of the democratic ladder in our system) – only a handful of ordinary residents ever bother to show up, and they’re usually outnumbered by politicians, wannabe politicians, City employees, rent-a-cops and lobbyists.

Not everyone who reads this blog (lately around 300 views-per-day) wants to hear about Rick’s latest blunders. I need to keep my “non-political” readers happy.

So, before I get to the nitty-gritty of corruption in Bells Corners, here are a few random BC photos for “ordinary Bells Corners residents”:

The Bells Corners FREE Bike-taxi recently transported its 3000th customer. So far the free service hasn’t proven to be TOO dangerous – not a single fatality yet (only a couple of amputations), and not a single ticket or lawsuit! Alex asked me to pay the BIA/Chiarelli business levy, but I told him to piss off – I’ve never accepted a single penny for offering free green transportation as community service, so I refuse to be taxed or licensed. I am NOT a business – I’m just an old fart with too much time on my hands.

This is the VERY FIRST Bill Teron home in Lynwood Village, and the original owner still lives there! Her place is close to the upper entrance to Hillside Park Donoghue Memorial Park, recently vandalized by local hoodlums.

City workers were prompt to repair the vandalized wooden fence in the controversial park used by Bell HS students.

These friendly guys pose proudly with their cricket trophy in Bells Corners’ best-kept secret (located in the XXX plaza next to our state-of-the-art McDonald’s).

I haven’t eaten there myself, but several people have told me that, in terms of value for your money and the quality of the food, the Tandoori Fusion blows the corporate giants and their “pornofood” out of the water. Buzz! Buzz!

Okay, back to community association politics:

No sign of Jim, of course, but Rick was there, accompanied by Al, his muscle from Corporate Security (did Jay have the night off?). The co-inventor of the Don Robertson legend (let’s give Alex credit where credit is due) looked kind of tired and rumpled. I think he knows he’s losing it, and he seemed to lack his usual verve. Rick’s speech was even more of a yawner than last year’s, with even less local content. After coming out strongly in favour of “proper infrastructure” and the ways things were done in the “good old days of Nepean” Rick got down to brass tacks:

– Will there be more stop signs on Seyton, something some members of the board have been lobbying for since Bill was in diapers? “Yes,” Rick answered helpfully, “it’s being considered as part of the process.”

– What about the crappy water pressure in parts of Westcliffe? “Yes, it’s being studied by staff.”

– Any progress on the sidewalk to nowhere? “It’s being evaluated in the budget process. But sidewalks on the strip are not deemed to be warranted at this point.”

– Will Seyton be resurfaced? “Maybe.”

– What about the “Hydro Park” (the grassroots community park)? “Don’t blame me – it’s the fault of the bureaucrats at the NCC and Hydro.”

– Will the proposed improvements to the Westcille splash pad become reality any time soon? “Forget it. Other College ward community associations are ahead of you in line for funding. If Bells Corners gets any funding it would go to Lynwood Park first – they’ve don’t have a splash pad at all.”

– What about expanding the Westcliffe community building? “Ha! Ha! Good one. There will be NO new money for you or for anyone else. Mobilize yourselves and raise some serious money right away. If you succeed, I’ll make sure the info gets fed to city staff, the managers and the mayor in time for Jim’s draft budget. Or you can just wait until late November – show up at the public consultations to express your opinions.”

– What about better access for wheelchairs users? “I’ll investigate that.”

– What about a left-turn arrow at Westcliffe and Robertson for the poor suckers wanting to turn left during rush hour? “It’s being studied.”

– What will your priorities be when you lobby the mayor on behalf of College ward? “I haven’t heard from all my other community associations yet, but I can assure you that you people in Westcliffe will be high on the list – the water pressure on Oberon might even be number one for the entire ward!”

After Rick had run out of gas, more politicians were supposed to address us – according to the comically misspelled agenda, “MP Pierre Poilienre (sic) and MLA (sic) Lisa McLeod (sic)” were to deliver speeches.

Pierre and Lisa were, as usual, no-shows, so Alex took up both of their time slots. He boasted about his expensive “gap assessment” study carried out by Shore-Tanner and Associates, a real estate appraisal company that he knows. The study (paid for by the Chiarelli/Lewis BIA tax on local businesses and also by City of Ottawa taxpayers) will somehow make us all rich (some more than others, of course) – according to Alex, if we just trust Team Chiarelli, his developer buddies and the BIA honchos the manna will be falling out of the sky, showering us all with profits and the very latest consumer goods.

Then it was time for the annual reports from Megan, Jordan, Roland, William, Terrilyn, Adam, Megan (bis) and Ally. You’ll have to wait for illegitimate community associations (part 3) for the truly funny stuff, including the questions that should have been asked.

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One Response to illegitimate community associations (part 2)

  1. margaret says:

    sometimes I’m not sure when you are for real or tongue in cheek

    but whatever …. will anything be done for westcliffe or bells corners? doubt it

    many of these requests have been around for years and… nothing

    the community, and especially the community associations, HAVE to push for things to get done

    unfortunately I was unable to attend but sounds like I didn’t miss anything …. I could’ve thought up all of those responses myself

    why is it that the BIA can do studies but the community can’t have one?

    I raised this at one WECA meeting – BC needs a community-driven plan – not just business-driven

    we LIVE here, we SHOP here, we might like to have recreation here too etc.

    I was told that secondary plans will only be done for areas affected by transit/light rail

    so BC is going to develop – or not – in bits and pieces … unless the BIA’s study is really worthwhile

    we’ll have to wait …. and find out the details … but if that questionnaire is part of the real one – then they don’t know BC

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